Hopes for JGL

Hopes for Joseph Gordon-Levitt

So quick story time about JGL and his rock hard penis....

Back in the day a girl, let's call her Juli, worked for a talent agency and had the distinct pleasure to escort JGL around NYC for a few hours. She is pretty, okay...she is fucking beautiful, and doesn't get caught up in celebrity startdom which makes her perfect for the job.  So of course JGL is going to try and hit that, honestly most guys would try. Only problem is he's only in town for the night and is going to some bullshit promo party for some movie that doesn't matter anymore. Juli takes him around for a bit, gets food and drops him off at a hotel - says, "If you need anything else, just give me a call." 

Juli fulfilled her side of the job and went out with friends later. Meanwhile, JGL apparently can't get any play at the bourgeois party or just can't stop thinking about Juli.

Flash forward to 2am the texting starts. (emulation)

Joe: Hey, how's it going?

Juli: Great, just getting home. How was that thing

Joe: Cool Cool, kind of a bust... Just hanging out in my hotel room

Juli: Well it was great to meet you earlier, have a great night!

Joe: Do you want to come over here and kill some time

Joe: I'm alone... and I'm rock hard...

Needless to say, Juli didn't respond and hopefully JGL worked it out. Only awkward thing was Juli was his ride back to the airport. Nothing was mentioned about the texts.

ANYWAYS on to show ideas

Having only hosted once before and most famously remembered for his backflip monologue hopes are high. The following are a few ideas that we can only guess and pray they come to fruition. 

Monologue - He can't do a backflip this time but Mofo can sing. Let's hear a song about being in a double good movie (DNR) bad movie (premium rush) sandwich. I actually went to the midnight showing for Premium Rush, heres how it went down. 15 people there, half dressed in yuppy bike rider gear, awkwardly silent before the film starts...everyone yells at the screen when JGL skids out or gets nailed by a car. Actually better idea - JGL does the entire monologue on a fixxxy no breaks!

Douchey guitar dudes - He was so good at being a new agey singer songwriter last time I'd like to see him interact with the Mumfords, baring they can handle a small part in a skit. Here's what I have in mind ... they are 1960s folk heros at an English pub just finishing up for the night. JGL is frontman and as a tradition gets to pick from the beautiful women left in the bar. 

BRUCE!!! -  Get Bruce Willis to do a cameo as his dad in a skit. Doesn't even matter, just get him on the show somehow for Looper. That man is comedic gold

Real Batman - JGL snooping around in the batcave pretending to be Batman, gets caught by the real batman and shamed as Robin. 

Weekend Update - JGL reports on waiting in line for an iPhone 5

S38Ep01 - Seth Macfarlane / Frank Ocean

Season 38 Episode 01 - Seth MacFarlane / Frank Ocean

Air Date 9/15/2012 

Rating:
Happy Deej

Cold Open - I gotta say this was a long time coming. Not that Fred didn't do a killer job, and in 2008 when Obama was breaking waves Fred was the only logical choice. Fred played Obama cuttingly and probably because he was a mixed race the slight black face wasn't over the top. Well Jay you got the top spot, couldn't have imagined a better hand off. Keep working on it, nice pauses and candor, just going to take a few more skits to get used to. So glad that Sudeikis is back in for Mitt, wonder how long he'll stick around if Mitty doesn't win.

Rating:
Cowboy Danny

Monologue - After being blasted all summer with TED previews and Ads (still haven't seen it) I  was a little bummed about Seth kicking off the season. It took less than a minute for me to remember how talented this guy really is. Such a smooth voice and his transitions were great. I wonder how much of it he got to write himself. My grandmother (89 years old) even complimented his singing, how can I argue with that.

Rating:
Come on Steph

Commercial 1 - With all the crazy ads and such going around this seemed pretty bland. The concept was alright and execution wasn't anything special. 

Rating:
Come on
That one kid

Roger Brush - I'll be the first to say that I'm a big Fred fan, i just don't like this character at all. His voices and content are usually alright but the best thing about this sketch is Hader's discontent alignment with the audience members. I heard that dude used to be a P.A. on a bunch of shit, he's got the low budget stage director down. Please retire this skit, I don't see the replay value at all.

Rating:
Dirty Danny

Eastwood and Chair - I actually missed the RNC this year and didn't watch any highlights. Bill's Eastwood is always funny, might have to age him out a little more. Get the full senile Clint going all season. Suggestion - keep having Clint in random things arguing with the chair.

Rating:
Hatty Joey

Gangham Style - I don't know why Killam is so funny in East Asian spoofs but I know it works. Had to explain what the fuck this is though to everyone else watching. Props on being right on top of pop culture though, couldn't imagine the dudes at a proper Lids would be stoked on strange Korean men sexing up the store. 

Rating:
The Dumb Twin

Puppet Workshop - Fucking perfect! Utilizing MacFarlane's voice skills, he plays it strait enough for Hader to work this bit to it's full potential. 

Rating:
The Uncles

Frank Ocean Thinkin’ Bout You - Amazing singer and songwriter. Whoever is in charge of dressing this set gets a high fiver for sure. It seems like Frank keeps blazing his own way and isn't succumbing to the pressures of dancing or making moves. Feel that song Frank, fucking feel it in your headband.

Rating:
Yuppy Becky

Weekend Update - We finally get to see Cecily work it. Not my favorite skit but gotta give her the same praise I overheard two longbros tell each other, "You look natural as HELL on that thing bro!"  Seth, as always provided a great round up of the weeks stories but all votes go to MacFarlane for the superb Lochte impression. The hosts usually stay away from the WU desk but he owned it.  I've been seeing Lochte on a few commercials and I hope for his sake he isn't as dumb as everyone thinks he is. One last glad hand, I would bet $5 Moynihan could pull off a fat lady better than most fat ladies. 

Rating:
Sad Steve

Sergeant Stutter - A nice ensamble of the boys. I wonder if this one has been kicked around for a couple of years between the pitch table. Don't know what other was to take the skit except to stutter at the end of it...just a bit too predictable. 

Rating:
Dissapointed
Steve

Steve Harvey Show - Okay Kenan, we get that Steve Harvey has his own level of toolishness. Would have rather had a What's Up With That with MacFarlane singing along on something. 

Rating:
Gibblered

I'm All like - Ohhhh, who that? Aidy gets about 5 seconds of air time. Gotta get a writer buddy, buddy. My only question is, why wasn't she Honey Boo Boo's Mom??? I'll just put my boner for Nasim back in place and try and grab a butt screen cap from the Gangham skit earlier. 

Rating:
Uncle
Approval

Frank Ocean Pyramids - Not only can this dude sing he is also telepathic. PLAY THE GAMES PLAY THE GAMES PLAY THE GAMES

Rating:
Late Jesse

Woodenspoonwarehouse.com - Yeah follow it, leads you right back the snl.com... Another small part for newbie Tim Robinson. I'm guessing he isn't going to be the go to for odd looking dudes considering  he's got an even muggier mugg than Armisen. A great banger for the episode, glad it didn't get cut.

Overall Rating - I guess I'm just pretty stoked to see new episodes. Not a bad showing for the new season...just looking to fill the gaps of the almost guaranteed funny digital short. All things considering, MacFarlane killed it, a showman and all around talented dude.  Here's a Joey for kicking off the season right!

Full House gets cancelled